Sometimes Closure Just Doesn’t Make Sense
For some of us closure is a blessing in disguise. It is a privilege that comes short after we pursue it, or it just appears out of the blue. It is a clear sight we get to have after fighting over the hazy dew; one thing that relieves all of our burden because we would feel so light knowing that all of it was just a product of overthinking and none of it is ever true. But for some of us, it’s a nightmare that prolongs the sufferings, something that makes everything even more blurry and apparently there was never such a thing called affirmation of whatever that is. It’s just a mere idea that sounds theoretically perfect and never a good thing to be considered as real.
Why the idea of closure sounds so perfect
Because it’s able to give us confirmation about our feelings.
We might be tired of second guessing everything, because feelings are so gray and there are no certain ways to find out what it truly means. For example those who are projecting their past toward us, when in fact we know what matters is only the present. We don’t want to ask about why they do such behavior, we’re afraid we could offend them in some ways. There are way too many questions and doubts in our mind, we create scenarios about the person’s past that made them commit such a thing, or maybe we start to blame ourselves for not being able to be a good person. We ask for closure, directly confronting them about that behavior and in response they are so happy explaining all the detailed reasons. We get the confirmation of our overthinking-ness, which turns out to only be a false hypothesis. It successfully makes us happy and content for all the affirmation. That’s why some of us keep pursuing it, because the imagination of getting that satisfaction at the end of the rainbow is just undefeated. This is where closure sounds like a good idea to be complied, where it’s able to close all the questions by a simple answer.
Why the reality won’t turn out to be that way
It tricks us into thinking closure is the ultimate answer to everything.
Sometimes second guessing every single thing in our life is necessary, and that is part of the experience as a human that is super flexible to change. Things are revolving, and our feelings sometimes can be as fluid as a stream in the river. It can go swiftly without any hesitation, and sometimes it gets stuck in the middle. In the nicest scenario where you’re being spoon fed by answers that relieve you, there’s always a possible gap on how it could’ve eventually changed. I might have the final explanation on why my partner disappeared, but that answer doesn’t inherently determine the future of our relationship. This is because this whole closure concept just makes us think that one specific answer is final and there is nothing more to know. Newsflash is there are things out there to know more. Maybe your husband’s answer about why he went home late last night because he needed extra time at work is a lie. Maybe it turns out your over thinking about him cheating behind your back is half true. That’s where you need to wake up and realize that the way your mind created a scenario about him being a lying prick was a signal to check the rest of the case. To seek more about knowing the truth; to care more.
Sometimes being negative doesn’t always manifest into bad things. It can truly turn into steps where we are brave enough to unveil the unspoken. People sometimes are way too comfortable in treating others as they want until it starts to harm those who are near them, a behavior that will be so hard to change. And one thing about asking for closure from this kind of people, is that it’s a waste of energy. The only thing you will get is a constant sugarcoat where they force you to believe their serious confirmation toward your concern. Or probably a simple lie.
But I believe we all are better than that. We deserve to know better about everything. To second guess stuff is the only way to slowly cope with it, instead of pushing to get the absolute answer.
Second I believe that pursuing it only makes us even more desperate to use closure as the last resort of everything. Affirming our own expectations often comes in two possible outputs. The first one is that it makes us certain to stop asking about everything again, and the second one it can trap us into thinking that closure is the last weapon to be used, in which the situation we’re facing can sometimes be not ideal. The way our mind thinks when we are pursuing closure is that it deprioritizes our own self interest and starts to project all of the future to that one specific answer. I might be thinking irrational when my partner left me with no clue; being ghosted for months and had no clue about where our relationship would go is very distressing. In that sense, what I want is closure and closure only. It’s possible for me to mess up my sleeping schedule just because I need to spend nights forcing them to pick up the phone, explaining why they had the thought to ruin our relationship. The mid process of pursuing the answer is what exactly drives this whole closure thing to be problematic. Ideally people will comfort you by saying that it’s worth it because you will grab the explanation eventually, but look at the way you have suffered your own self this far just to get that. If my partner truly loved me conditionally without any exceptions, they wouldn’t even have the thoughts of leaving me in the very first place. So maybe, silence is the answer. The way they left you without any traces is a sign that they have never loved you since day one.
The reason Wanda Maximoff deliriously created Westview and the whole fantasy of her family came from the pain pursuing closure, to bring his husband, Vision, back to life. Suffering from losing your close one is unbearable, let alone pursuing the affirmation towards it. I guess it’s just a phase where she needed to digest her grief. In result she tortured the people inside the Hex to follow her stories and scenarios. For some of us, Wanda is the perfect reflection of the reality we did to pursue closure; we might hurt others or worse, ourselves. We lose the sense of what is meant to be focused in the future, because what closure demands always pulls us back to the past with all of our expectations we depict about the answer itself. I was not implying that the last product of this is always about the damage and damage only, but the way closure gives us false promises is something that we can’t predict, and that’s the part where it can turn out to be a dangerous possibility.
In the end I guess Wanda eventually did find her closure. That she and Vision with both of their kids are not meant to be together. She moved on and continued on with her life. But the question now, does this mean that all the damages and harms she created are worth the answer?
